I’m Flo. I recently turned 29, and the path to where I am now hasn’t been easy. After years of researching autism, finally accepting it, and spending almost a year reflecting on it, I decided to start a blog about the conditions I was diagnosed with.
Toward a life-saving diagnosis…
At 21, while going through recurrent depressive episodes intertwined with more euphoric ones, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II — a diagnosis that was later revised to type I a few months afterward. It followed what I interpreted as a weeks-long manic episode at the start of the academic year, which ended in a brutal depressive crash.
I had no idea what this disorder was and stumbled by chance upon descriptions that resonated deeply with me — far more than the idea of chronic depression ever had. A private psychiatrist was the one who finally put a name to it. For the first time in five years, I felt a glimpse of hope that things might finally improve. It took several years to adjust my treatment. A treatment I needed in order to function in society, as this disorder was repeatedly disrupting and damaging my life.
…then toward the missing answer I had been waiting for
But that diagnosis didn’t explain everything. I was still struggling daily in many areas of my life. My close circle — including my best friend at the time — encouraged me to take an IQ test, hoping it would help explain why I functioned so differently. That’s when I was identified as highly gifted. From that moment on, I blamed all my difficulties on that label. I even stopped my medication because some people believed my mood swings were simply a consequence of it. A mistake — one I’ll return to in a future post.
Years went by, and I settled into my diagnosis, trying to follow my treatment properly. I also remained satisfied with the gifted label — until the day I questioned everything after discovering that much of what I’d learned about giftedness wasn’t scientifically supported, and that there might be another explanation.
So I dug deeper. My search first led me to Asperger’s syndrome, then to autism more broadly — especially after discovering that the DSM (the diagnostic manual used in psychiatry) had merged Asperger’s into the autism diagnosis in its 2013 edition. After several months and a long, exhausting assessment process, I finally received my diagnosis: ASD — Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Years spent searching for the cause of my difficulties had finally come to an end. I had always known I thought differently, saw the world differently, and communicated differently. Autism emerged as the ultimate answer to the question that had followed me all my life: why did I always feel like an alien among humans who seemed to operate in ways I never understood?
Burnouts and the long journey of introspection
I then developed a specific interest in autism. After years of reading content, articles, and scientific studies, I finally accepted the diagnosis I had doubted for so long.
I went through three autistic burnouts, which led to the collapse of the social mask I had spent 25 years constructing. That’s when I began a long process of introspection—one that eventually pushed me to write a book in less than a week, dissecting my own mind. It aimed to explain how it works, both for those directly concerned and for anyone interested in the topic. It hasn’t been published yet and is currently being reviewed.
Writing it took a tremendous amount of time, and the more I wrote, the more there was to say. That’s when I had the idea of creating a blog—a space that would speak to autistic people and/or those with bipolar disorder, but also to anyone curious, questioning, or undergoing assessment. I hope the upcoming articles will answer some of those questions. The reason I explore both autism and bipolar disorder together is that they interact. The prevalence of bipolar disorder is significantly higher among autistic people, which is why it’s essential to talk about it—especially in a context where very little documented information exists.
The title of this blog speaks for itself: it refers to the spectrums of autism and bipolarity—both with wide and diverse expressions—as well as the cycles of mood, from depressive episodes to manic ones.
I hope the reflections I share here will resonate, inform, and support those who read them.
Originally published in French on: 25 Aug 2025 — translated to English on: 17 Nov 2025.